"Big Kid TV"

(Ally, Edward, Bella, Nessie, and Taylor Swift having a tea party)

I will be the first to admit, as much as I do love to sit and ponder such questions like why on "The Wiggles" Anthony is such a terrible dancer, when exactly he had his nose job, and why Murray is even on the show.

Or why Dora the Explorer's head is shaped like a football but all her siblings and cousins are normal. Or why there aren't any boy "My Little Pony's"... there comes a point when you realize that you spend more time worrying these mind boggling questions than about who is dying on Desperate Housewives this week. Seriously, I am 2 weeks behind on Greys Anatomy but completely caught up on the newest Fresh Beat Band episodes.

Obviously this is not normal for most 21 year old college students, but it is for me and any other person who was given a sibling 15+ years younger than them.

In hopes to avoid this, I thought it extremely important when Ally and Cooper were born to expose them to "big kid TV" at an early age. Especially Ally who spends the most time in the "college scene". Not only does this save my sanity, but it also keeps them from learning to "taaaaalk withhhh theeee saaaame riise and fallllllllll" in her voice as Dora.

From a very young age she was encouraged to watch Secret Life of the American Teenager, Grey's Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, and of course Twilight (seriously, what 2 year old isn't going to choose sparkling vampires over Wonder Pets?) She is also slightly obsessed with every single Taylor Swift song that ever existed. Including her monologue from Saturday Night Live.

Now this may seem irresponsible but lets all remember: You'd take watching Gilmore Girls over Yo Gabba Gabba anyday. Besides, it teaches kids important life lessons.

For example take "Twilight" life lessons: Ally has already discovered that her three chihuahuas are actually werewolves. She knows that Jacob is "Blahhhhh" (please picture her sticking her finger down her throat), and she has learned that if she acts like Bella and whines enough, she gets EXACTLY what she wants. What more does she need to learn in life? And of course Cooper, even at the tender age of 1 knows that biting is the "in" thing to do.

With big kid TV you should also be aware of the possible consequences. Like the time I tried to make Ally watch "Alice and Wonderland (the old Disney one) and she rolled her eyes at me and said "Sessa, that is NOT the real Alice...she doesn't sparkle". Or the time she was completely convinced that Lorelei Gilmore was her mom...and now lived inside the TV.

Either way, it definitely makes playing Barbies way more interesting...plus no one looks at you like you are crazy when it is your sister begging for you to buy her the "EdwardBella movie Barbies".

So, how many of you out there have forced your child/sibling/other to watch "Big Kid" TV?

Spelling Bee

Lately I have been getting frustrated with the fact that my 17 month old brother Cooper doesn't talk. It isn't that he can't talk, he just chooses not too. Instead he points and speaks the long lost language known as dinosaur. "Rawww", "Grrr", and "Roarrr" are common words for "give me that", "I AM going to play in the dog water" and "I only want my mommy". Just a warning...when you don't understand this foreign language it is also accompanied with head butts, scratching, and shrieking calls for re-enforcement. Of course all little dinosaurs end up in time out after this, but it is still slightly frustrating to have a 19 pound velociraptor for a little brother. Even when he does turn into a snuggle bunny after the fact.

It wasn't until I was in eating at Carolina Ale House in North Carolina with my 3 year old sister that I really started to appreciate the simplicity of 17 month old dinosaur tongue.

Jordan: Al- Pink Lexie sit still! Please don't put your feet on the table.

Pink Lexie stalls for a second, takes her feet down, colors on her coloring sheet and smiles.

Jordan: Thank you

Pink Lexie: (pointing to coloring sheet) Read it Sessa. It says N-O. That means NO. (Feet promptly return to the table.)

I hope Cooper speaks dinosaur until he is 12. As for Ally aka Pink Lexie, I have been threatened with the letters "P-I-G" for three days...

Ham

My little sister Ally (insert screams "I'M NOT ALLY!!!") has decided that she absoultely does not like her name. In fact, she hates it so much that even the slight slip of of the sound "Aa as in apple" sends her over the edge. I assumed this was normal... I mean after all who doesn't want to be named after the newest disney princess or their favorite Barbie.

Of course this isnt the case for Ally either. Her names have consisted of "Pink Frog", "Pink Pig", and "Pink Lexie" (my dogs name), among other various unnaturally pink animals. There is even the occasional "Pink Taylor Swift", "Pink Abby Cadabby" and "Pink Cow Girl Jesse". Until last night when she changed her name again...

Jordan: Okay Al- I mean Pink Pig it's time for bed.

Pink Pig: I'M NOT PINK PIG! I'M NOT PINK PIG (insert pouting, closed
eyes and an utter look of disgust).


Jordan: Who are you then?


Pink Pig: Ham.


Jordan: Pink Ham?


Pink Pig aka Ham: No Sessa (insert eye roll), just Ham.

That's right. Ham, just Ham. She even convinced her entire dance class that this was her name today. I spent an entire day calling a 3 year old Ham...I didnt think it could get any worse, until tonight...

Jordan: Okay Ham, it's time for bed


Ham: I'M NOT HAM!!


Jordan: Who are you?


Ally: PINK WEREWOLF!

This I cannot deal with.