Pink Pig's life lessons

Pink Pig has taught me yet another valuable life lesson over the weekend and I feel that this is one that we could all benefit from.

Why spend so much time engaging in the act of actually eating solid food when...

you can obtain about the same calories by eating just the condiments...and in half the time!

Ranch dressing, Catsup, Butter, they all taste much better when you follow this recipe,

1. Dip french fry, carrot, ect into condiment
2. Lick condiment off
3. Throw actual solid food down
4. Place fingers into condiment
5. Lick
6. Stick tongue into condiment
7. Enjoy!

Reasons you should NOT teach 3 year olds to share...

Why? They share their colds.

And these colds hit you with 10x the force as they do the 3 year olds

And they get worse everyday instead of better

So when you think you HAVE to feel better the next day

You really feel way worse

and by then the 3 year old is completely healed

and this happens.

Dinosaurs invade.

French Fries happen.

Tornados hit.

And you get to clean it all up.

Thank god I have amazing roommates who just laugh at the mess, buy me cold medicine and food, and make sure that pink pigs have appropriate child care and don't turn into ham. Because in the words of Ally.

"When I die, I will be REAAAAAL ham"

When Pigs Swim

So, I have figured out the ultimate dream come true for a certain 3 year old. Actually she figured it out and has made it very clear for the past 2 days that she HAS to do this. We HAVE to get her “Wuggage” and we need to go to the “Hairpork” NOW.

Watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXHe73RWVyw

Now you really can see that this is “Pink Pigs” dream come true. The only problem? It’s in the Bahamas on a private island. Now me personally, I’m all for going. The only problem is that getting there is a little bit difficult. You have to take a private plane to the island AFTER you have gotten to the Bahamas. It’s also $2,000 dollars a night. There is also a slight chance they don’t allow 3 year olds.

Luckily my brilliant sister has found a much easier and economical way.

Step 1: Strip completely naked.

Step 2: Turn on the Access Hollywood episode in which they take a trip to see the swimming pigs.

Step 3: Ask your dad to lift you up really high.

Step 4. Simply jump into the TV.

It’s really that simple.

I’m pretty sure it only works for 3 year olds though. I tried this method during a Grey’s Anatomy repeat where McSteamy is showering. It doesn’t seem to have the same affect.

Warning to parents: When the 3 year old realize that she can't actually jump through the television into the water with the pigs... It gets really, really bad. So my best advice is to just simply explain that The Bahamas are broken, the pigs are at the vet, and it will work again when you are 4.

Litter Bugs Earth Day Craft!

At our house this week, instead of celebrating just Earth Day, we are doing an entire week!

So after researching for what seemed like forever for some fun Earth Day crafts last night, I gave up and decided we’d have to come up with our own. Everything online seemed like it was for much older kids, or I was going to have to go out and buy new supplies, which defeated the purpose.

So I came up with the theme for today, “Litter Bugs”.

I decided to use items we already had around the house to make little trash cans (or storage containers) so that we could store craft scraps that could be used again, or so we wouldn’t make a mess. At least, that’s really the only way you can explain it to a 3 year old. As everyone knows, I’m a super organized person and so anything that involved making new and cute storage opportunities was a plus!

Items needed:
Construction paper (or news paper if you really want to recycle, then paint over it)
Glue
Scissors
Empty container (we used the Gerber Crunchies containers since we go through about 3 cans a week)
Markers (we used the “Do a Dot” markers)
Whatever you want to decorate with… we used pipe cleaners, pom poms, jewels, and google eyes.



Instructions:

1.Cover containers in construction paper. (Hot glue works the best)

2. Hand them over to the kids! At this point I just let them decorate alone with markers. Especially if you are making bugs, the kids can be really colorful and creative!

I forgot to take a picture however because Cooper is a CRAZY man when it comes to markers…EVERYTHING in a canvas.


3. Decide what your can is going to be. Originally we were just doing bugs since I themed it “litter bugs” but… Pink pig insisted that hers was a pig.

4. Glue whatever your accessories are. We cut out ears and a snout for Ally’s pig out of constructon paper. And used pipe cleaners for legs, eyes and antennas. You really can make anything!

5. Let dry and your done!

During Cooper’s nap Ally and I made this “Dog treat” container to look like Lexie.

Over all this is a really simple craft. Ally did almost everything on her own (except covering the can and gluing the ears). Cooper was able to color his and he also helped with a lot of the gluing. With Cooper it took us an hour and a half to finish 3, but just doing one alone with Ally took about 20 minutes.

Overall:
Time: 30 minutes to 1 hour depending on age of child

Age: I would say as young as 18 months can "complete" this craft.

Supplies: You can basically use anything

I hope everyone enjoys this craft! We sure did!

Adaption

In my biology class this week we had to go through the neighborhood and find animals that had adapted to their environment. I decided it might be fun to take Ally (Pink Cookie on this particular day) with me since she is at least old enough to learn about where different animals live. For future reference, it's not the brightest idea to take a 3 year old with you on a search for timid wild animals. They tend to run, fly away, hop away, even throw themselves in front of moving cars to avoid being seen by Pink Cookies. In fact, I am pretty sure that they also relay the warning to all of their animal friends so that there are NO animals in site for 30 minutes. Finally, we found some most likely deaf and blind birds that seemed not to notice the huge baked cookie chasing after them. I quickly took a picture and explained to her that these birds were lucky because they could eat out of bird feeders and didn't have to worry about finding food. That they had "adapted" to this environment. Deciding that she didn't understand, I told her that if they lived in the woods snakes might eat them, but because they were here they were safe and their tummies were full. Kind of like how our dogs had "adapted" to our house and they were safe and had nice beds.

The conversation ended like this.

Pink Cookie: Lexie sleeps in the fairy bed

Jordan: Yep, the dogs love sleeping in beds

Pink Cookie: And Maxie Max eats treats

Jordan: Yea, they live in a nice safe house where we take care of
them

Pink Cookie: Yea. Cause if they lived outside... lions would eat
them.

Jordan: Lions?

Pink Cookie: Yea.. Lions and the Easter bunny would eat them.

So on that note, pictures from Lexie's birthday party!

Before reading the rest of this particular blog post, I should probably pre-warn everyone that I am the kind of pet owner that would make the dog whisperer choke. I dress my dogs in adorable clothes, they have Juicy Couture beds and collars, and most importantly they have AMAZING birthday parties. So, if you are a member of Peta or any other animal organization that thinks dogs should be treated like well, dogs… you should probably stop reading right about….now.

I’ve always believed that if you are going to spend the money, time, and effort on an animal you should treat them like you would your own child. They deserve the best of everything and if you can’t give them that, then don’t get them.

and by "everything", I mean they deserve birthday parties.

So in true Jordan fashion, today we threw my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel Lexie a belated birthday party. I mean seriously, she's made it a whole year and has not been eaten by a lion. That's a big thing to celebrate.

She had her very best friends Max, Scout, Mansie, and Bella there to celebrate with her. Our house really is like it's own personal version of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", especially since the Cavaliers are pretty sure they are chihuahuas as well. Of course her favorite humans "Pink Pig" and Cooper were there also. She also had an amazing professional photographer (thank you Kendra!)

Unfortunately she was missing her human family members Courtney and Rachel, and her canine cousin Gaby :( We'll have to have another party in NC for them.

There was obviously a cake (which Ally and Max stole from her) but in true good hostest fashion Lexie donated her cake to the starving dog and pig and instead snacked on a pupcake.

(The starving little piggies)


There were also fun gifts filled with squeakers which Lexie was obviously excited about.

I don't think I could ask for a better, sweeter dog! Now lets hope for many more years without illness, accidents, or...lions.

You can look at the whole birthday album here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2338318&id=22221615&l=786b7de901

Happy Birthday Lexie Lex!

Happy 1st birthday to my Lexie Lex! I can't imagine a sweeter, more spoiled, or better dog!

I love this weather...and these kids

Nothing funny or amazing to post today. Just pictures of a fun afternoon at the park. They pretended to be Dora and Boots as we walked through the neighborhood, across the street, to the park. We battled the sneezy flowers and learned how to cross the street. Finally we arrived at the park were we played played played! Ally introduced herself to all the new kids as "pink pig" as usual and sweet talked a 5 year old girl into giving her a bubble ring. Cooper mastered the slide...up and down and gave me the best smiles I've ever seen.

Up the slide...

Digging like a dog...pig.

Earlier in the day Pink Pig and I had an ice cream date at Coldstone

Summer... please get here ASAP!

The Phallic Stage

This morning, as I was reading my developmental psychology (that should have been read 6 weeks ago) I started on my section about Freud and children in what he considers the "Phallic Stage". For those of you who don't know, the phallic stage is defined in my book as "The period from about age 3 to 6 is the phallic stage because he believed its central focus is the phallus, or penis."

The more and more I read, the more and more ridiculous it sounded to me. I've had 6 psychology classes in my college career and every time I read one of Freud's theories, the crazier I think he is. This one particularly made me roll my eyes today. Ally is 3 and has never asked about anything Freud talks about in the Phallic Stage. She has never once mentioned marrying her dad as the Electra complex suggests. (Of course she is convinced she is going to kiss a frog, turn into a pig, and then have many many pig frog horse cookie babies named "Pinkie Pie"). I also see her many 3 year old friends and their parents on regular basis and I have never heard any of them talk about any Freudian experiences with their kids.

So after skipping over the rest of Freud nonsense and moving onto behaviorism...we left to to go Keeneland.

It was about 3 hours into this beautiful Keeneland day when a little boy who was also 3 came up and asked to play with Ally. Naffiany (which was Ally's name today...I'll get to that later) selflessly agreed to share (steal) Cooper's stick horse and the two began to play. I swear to God, this is the conversation that followed.

Little Boy: My horse is really fast! He's brown. I have a penis, it's right
here (points to crotch)

Long Pause.

Jordan: Oh. Okay.

Little Boy: My daddy has a penis too. Boys have them. Girls have naginas.
They don't have penises. Just boys and daddy's.

Mom: Did I just hear what I think I just heard?

This was proceeded by hysterical laughter as the little boy continued to explain to each of us whether we had a penis or a "nagina".

Finally his mom who unknowingly was sitting on a blanket a few feet away walked over to make sure her son was being "good". If she only knew...

Of course it probably wouldn't have been as embarrassing as having to introduce your 3 year old sister as Naffiany. (Which we did figure out 9 hours later was Ally's way of saying Daphne since we watched Scooby Doo this morning).

Lesson of the day: I guess I'm in college for a reason...and Freud is still in textbooks for a reason. I'll never doubt again.

Our very own Louvre

We have had the craft closet for about a month now. It has definitely come in handy. Here are some of the masterpieces as promised:

This is the life cycle Ally (Baby Pink Caterpillar made). The first picture is the very hungry pink Caterpillar (her) eating all her favorite foods (notice the chocolate in its mouth). Next is the ca coon (which looks more like an Easter egg, but that is slightly my fault). Followed by the toilet paper roll butterfly!

This is where we hang their beautiful art.

And of course the project that we do the most of... (Baby Pink Pig likes self portraits)

Cooper has some artwork hanging on the wall, but no "projects". He and I usually play Yo Gabba Gabba or Wonder Pets since Ally insists on making her artwork alone. The night before last the conversation consisted of this:

Ally: Sessa, Do NOT look.

Jordan: I have to clean up the pom poms off the floor so
Cooper doesn't eat them. I'll look the other way.

Ally: Sessa (smiling at me like I'm stupid...she has
that mastered). I have good news and I have the bad news

Jordan: What is the good news?

Ally: You look and go to timeout

Jordan: That's the good news? What's the bad
news?

Ally: I ever use wipes to change your diaper! (translation:
I'll always use wipes when I change your diaper...she HATES wipes)

I guess that really is bad news, since apparently in this case scenario I wear diapers again.